Whirlpool

You know that feeling?

That feeling where you find yourself

at night lying on a bed,

head exhausted but body awake -

waiting and craving,

stomach churning with

the urge to regurgitate -

where every part of your being longs

to throw it all up,

to be relieved...

You know that feeling?

That feeling where you find yourself

at night lying on a bed,

head exhausted but eyes awake -

waiting and craving

head a whirlpool swirling with

the urge to weep the well dry -

where every part of your being longs

to un-dam the rushing water,

to be released...

You know that feeling?

Where you keep running to the toilet,

grabbing hold of the cold,

body rocking back

and forth -

okay, at last this is finally it -

gagging,

nothing comes...

over and over,

gagging,

back to bed.

You know that feeling?

I have gotten drunk

off pain - 

drowning in sorrows -

letting the coping moments

of dancing and laughter

prolong the inevitable

urge to get it out of my system,

the physiological poison of pain.

You know that feeling?

There is no vaccine for this virus -

for the symptom of bullets,

for the gut-wrenching gas

with a name that does not do it justice,

like the injustice the “tear gas” brings to our bodies,

to the poison that twists our insides,

gagging and making us cry tears

that stole and hardened our

ability to cry...

But somehow,

we found a way to throw it all up,

drowning in sorrows while laughing.

You know that feeling?

That feeling where you find yourself

at night lying on a bed,

with memories of

what just happened,

head exhausted.

You know that feeling?

I am not weak -

I am sick,

All I want to do is cry...

the medicine of tears

like the release

of disease

from the body.

All I want to do is cry...

You know that feeling?

"Palestine in my Heart" 

- Like the bullet that landed right beside his heart