The Glimmer and the Glint

There’s a glint bouncing between our eyes

like the ice on your lashes

like the clinking of our glasses

like the coin in the jukebox

and the music in our ears...

There’s a glimmer dancing between our gaze,

like the spark in the flash of a second,

like the intercession of giggles,

like the miracle of walking on water,

and the warmth of hands in winter...

Our pasts passed in the

present of our presence -

a pause in the play -

recording the now,

repeating the here,

renewed in the cycle of a moment,

With every breath,

we share time,

and the space between.

Night Smiles

[:)]

These eyes have seen the threat of death to a friend, and

I have heard the recent news of it’s time come to family.

The night is where I am, what I need.

These eyes have seen a season of the sun under the gun, and

I have heard more laughter, song, and “I love you”s.

The night is where I am, what I need.

These eyes hold tears damned with gratitude, happiness, and joy, and

I have heard yet that I should let them fall as they come.

The night is where I am, what I need.

These eyes are scared to see what they see, and

I have heard that to feel deep, we must feel it all.

The night is where I am, what I need.

These eyes can see the moon’s warm smile, and

I have heard that the tides are tied to life - they rise, they fall, they cleanse.

The night is where I am, what I need.

These eyes may flood, but we will not drown, will not be washed away.

I have heard it is okay to smile in the dark. It is good to smile, like the moon.

The night is where I am, what I need.

The night is where I am, what I need.

Smart Bodies

I breathe,

I am alive.

Superheroes know their weaknesses...

Like the way we love anyways.

You gave me lakes and trees;

You gave me cardigans;

You made me hook a frog with reverence for the circle of life;

You gave me Dad’s cookies,

You gave me pistachios, stale mints, marbles, sticks, the sky;

You gave me a hell of an entrepreneurial spirit;

You gave me the breath I breathe -

right now I breathe...

I breathe...

I breathe...

I am alive -

you gave me life.

You gave me -
and you rest in -

Gray Haven.

Forever I will keep your name...

forever your name will reign. 

We breathe 
we are alive,

Superheroes know their weaknesses...

Like the way we love.

We breathe,

we are alive.

We change

and save the world,

just like you...
Because
of you.

My favourite memories of Poppa consist of the moon shining above us on a calm Gunter lake, waiting for fish that may or may not come. We would sit on the water mostly in silence, with the exception of the moments when Poppa wasn't giving patient, simple responses to my girlish ramblings. I will always cherish those nights that taught me so much about life - learning with my Grandfather how to sit, how to do the work of waiting while also learning to accept it. Those nights helped cultivate my appreciation for the dark of night and see life there - lessons that have saved my life over and over again since. Those nights taught me to trust and just be in our natural, beautiful, awesome environment. They also taught me to calm my racing thoughts, and hear the small voice, like that of Poppas, lovingly easing my heart, and setting the example of how to be still, and know. Though we continue to need reminders of these lessons through the seasons of life, Poppa, thank you for the still, small voice. – Carolyn, when you were gone

Whirlpool

You know that feeling?

That feeling where you find yourself

at night lying on a bed,

head exhausted but body awake -

waiting and craving,

stomach churning with

the urge to regurgitate -

where every part of your being longs

to throw it all up,

to be relieved...

You know that feeling?

That feeling where you find yourself

at night lying on a bed,

head exhausted but eyes awake -

waiting and craving

head a whirlpool swirling with

the urge to weep the well dry -

where every part of your being longs

to un-dam the rushing water,

to be released...

You know that feeling?

Where you keep running to the toilet,

grabbing hold of the cold,

body rocking back

and forth -

okay, at last this is finally it -

gagging,

nothing comes...

over and over,

gagging,

back to bed.

You know that feeling?

I have gotten drunk

off pain - 

drowning in sorrows -

letting the coping moments

of dancing and laughter

prolong the inevitable

urge to get it out of my system,

the physiological poison of pain.

You know that feeling?

There is no vaccine for this virus -

for the symptom of bullets,

for the gut-wrenching gas

with a name that does not do it justice,

like the injustice the “tear gas” brings to our bodies,

to the poison that twists our insides,

gagging and making us cry tears

that stole and hardened our

ability to cry...

But somehow,

we found a way to throw it all up,

drowning in sorrows while laughing.

You know that feeling?

That feeling where you find yourself

at night lying on a bed,

with memories of

what just happened,

head exhausted.

You know that feeling?

I am not weak -

I am sick,

All I want to do is cry...

the medicine of tears

like the release

of disease

from the body.

All I want to do is cry...

You know that feeling?

"Palestine in my Heart" 

- Like the bullet that landed right beside his heart